Love

The Greatest

The sparks of electricity within us when we collide
The Greatest
The undeniable force that connects us
The Greatest
The passion spreading like a wildfire
The Greatest
The need to claim your body and mind
The Greatest
There has been others but none compare to you
Because you are The Greatest

The remembrance of us

Sometimes I wonder if what I felt for you was real
And then I see you
Sometimes I doubt that it felt as real to you
And then I heard you
Sometimes I wonder what could have been 
But then I remember

Just because I love you does not mean you love me back
Just because I want a ”yes” does not mean you will not say no”
Just because I feel it does not mean you feel it too

Just because I believe in us does not mean we cannot crack
Just because I want you to stay does not mean you will not go
And just because I dream it does not mean it will come true

Sometimes I wish I could not feel
So I could see you
Sometimes I wish I would not care
So I would hear you
Sometimes I wish there was a future
Without the remembrance of us

To fall

To fall for another human being is the freest fall. The most uncontrolled, the most illogical, and at the same time logical, thing to do when another human hits you so recklessly. There are no safety lines. There are no airbags when feelings of love blows up our inner control tower. Then we stand completely defenseless. At our most vulnerable. How terrifying and divine is it that someone can make us lose our footing so fast that we barely feel the tremor before the ground shatters underneath us?   

I wasn’t even supposed to fall. I didn’t want to. I told myself I wouldn’t. It happened too fast. I wasn’t ready. You are not my saviour, not my quick fix. You are not my one and only. You’re not mine and you don’t want me to be yours. You’re not ready either. Still, I fell. Still, I feel. And I don’t want to. Not yet.

Falling so that all you can remember when your head hits the pillow is the other person’s scent. To be given only a finger and making in into a whole arm. To let the obsession take over and to gratefully devour everything you’re given. To miss what has not yet been and to glorify yesterday. To want to rest in the other person’s perfections. To be hypnotized by their words so that the only thing you hear is all the good, everything you’ve longed to hear. 

To fumble around in feelings that projects dreams of an us. To patch up the pieces that remains when no one cushioned the fall. And isn’t it crazy how astonishingly we can fall over and over again? It’s what drives us, and destroys us. It’s the torture, and the reward. It’s the fall, that hurts so gravely, that makes us feel so alive. How life is for real. 

(Att falla – translated into English)

Left

(From 2010)


I broke down the wall

And scarified my soul

For you I stole the tears of heaven

And gained nothing but empty words

The blindness of my eyes 

Has kept me from the light of life

And my speechless mind

Has left for you the secret of my heart

My wants and needs

(From Secondary School years)

My illusions will always be my illusions

Just so I can create a bigger vision

My love will always be my love

Just so I can feel a greater passion

My pride will always be my pride

Just to make me stand taller

My dreams will always be my dreams

And you can never take them away

My illusions were just illusions 

They teared down my biggest vision

My love was just a crush

That left me here all alone

My dreams were just dreams

And you woke me up

My pride was just a mask 

That still made me feel weak inside

Reign over me

You’re so near and yet so significantly far 

You can’t touch me but still leave a scar

You make it impossible for me to move on

Instead I count the days since you’ve been gone

I still reach for the phone to see how you are

Could you please stop showing up on my radar

Unfriend me, log out and leave me be

You’re hurting me but you’re too blind to see

Your mixed messages keep leading me stray

As long as you’re not mine I will never be ok

The memories of you makes me weak to my knee

If you really don’t love me you have to set me free

With your silence and everything you don’t say

You chain me in that suffocating way

You locked me up and threw the key

I can’t help it, you still reign over me

She

She pretended to sleep so that when the woman said goodbye she didn’t have to respond other than mumbling a silent ”Yes. Love you. Bye”. It was true though. She loves her. At least it feels like she does. What they have is real and she knows she couldn’t possibly find someone who makes her happier. She can’t picture a life without her. She listened for the sound of the steps as the woman walked down the stairs. She could hear the door closing and keys turning the lock. The car starts and drives off. She was gone. And her day just began. 

She got up and put her robe on. For the thousandth time, her feet automatically stepped into the slippers. It was cold and she would rather have stayed in bed, but she really needed to pee. The release gave her instant satisfaction. She could breathe normally again. She let her hands soak in the warm water before thoroughly drying them on a towel hanging next to the sink. The floor squeaked underneath her feet as she walked along the landing and down the steep stairs. 

She opened up the curtains and welcomed the sun on her face. For a minute she forgot how cold it was. If she closed her eyes she could imagine herself lying on a beach somewhere far away from the winter chill, just for a second. The moment was gone. She hurried into the lounge, curled up on the sofa and pulled the blanket up to her nose. She could write a case study on the ceiling by now. Her eyes waters and eventually she knew would have to take her eyes off it. For how long has she been lying there staring? She gazed at the clock on the wall. Two and a half hour. Only seven hours left.